


Jealous Of The Love

by Livid_Writer



Series: Roll On Sunday [3]
Category: Yogscast "High Rollers" D&D Campaign
Genre: F/M, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:16:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7066705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livid_Writer/pseuds/Livid_Writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- CONTINUATION OF STUMBLE AND NO HAPPY ENDING-</p><p>+ SONG FIC TO JEALOUS BY LABYRINTH +</p><p>Of course it was Trellimar who fell in love a little too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealous Of The Love

**I'm jealous of the rain                                                                                                                                                                                                                       That falls upon your skin**

The moment that Trellimar fell in love was the moment that it was too late. He'd never really been in love before and he'd never known what it felt like until he loved someone who he couldn't get to. He was dead, he couldn't be seen or heard or anything, and Cam Buckland fell in love. With someone else. After all of that time watching people come and go from Cam's life and not realise how lucky they were to be saying words to him that he could respond to and hear and to feel his handshakes and hugs because if Trellimar was down there for just one day he'd savour the moments like they should have done because they'd never realise how lucky they were for their opportunity. Like he should have done when he was down there because he never realised how lucky he was. But the second that Trell fell in love with Cam was the second Cam fell in love with someone else.

**It's closer than my hands have been                                                                                                                                                                                       I'm jealous of the rain**

He remembered that Cam met her on a cloudy day. He envied her from the get go, she smiled at him and he returned her smile with that cheeky lopsided grin of his that Trellimar wished he could be smiled at with. He watched as they said their hellos not realising how far this would go. He thought she'd be just one of those other people who wouldn't savour their time and then they'd never meet him again. She wasn't. Soon she was meeting Elora and Jiutou and Trell envied how well they got on. Like they'd found a new fourth player. Like a new-and-improved Trellimar who was liked by everyone and was not moody or secretive. Cam laughed and Trellimar fell in love. Just like that. Just one laugh that he'd heard a million times before. But it seemed different because Trell had had the time to look inside himself and realise that this was what he had always felt, a slow build up and a fast drop. He seemed happier that Trell had ever seen him and this happier Cam was attractive and magical and everything fell into place finally. It was strange. But Trell liked it.                                                                          

**I'm jealous of the wind                                                                                                                                                                                                           That ripples through your clothes**

He watched as this girl infiltrated their group more. Travelled with them, slept in his old tent and old sleeping bag, felt more and more like they were replacing him. She wasn't told anything about him. Like he'd slipped into the unknown and become a stranger again. Like he hadn't stayed loyal and carried on saving them in death. She seemed better than him. Cam grew more happy every day they spent with her and Trellimar fell more and more in love. Uncontrollably and effortlessly. But unreachable and distant. He fell head over heels against his better judgement because Trell knew he'd never get the chance to be with Cam ever and that was sad and upsetting.

**It's closer than your shadow                                                                                                                                                                                                    Oh, I'm jealous of the wind,**

 

**'cause I wished you the best of                                                                                                                                                                                            All this world could give**

Trellimar couldn't be with Cam and so he whispered his prayers and blessings to the wind and the rain. He wished prosperity and safety for Cam and everybody else there. He wished for Cam's happiness. He wanted Cam to enjoy his life and not worry about him. He wanted Cam to be happy and healthy and alive. Safe and not dead. This is what Trellimar dedicated his life to. Protecting Cam Buckland and all of his friends. No matter how ignored he was. No matter how dead he was. He would always protect them.

**And I told you when you left me                                                                                                                                                                                           There's nothing to forgive**

The fact that Cam had moved on upset Trell a little but he was happy to see a happier Cam whom he loved dearly. He didn't blame Cam for his actions although it hurt when Cam had denied ever knowing a Drow to get himself out of trouble, at least Cam wasn't sad. He didn't mind him laughing with other people and he didn't mind really that he made knew friends. Most of the time he was happy with Cam's actions.

 **But I always thought you'd come back, tell me**                                                                                                                                             **All you found was heartbreak and misery**

But there was something in him that made him want to be remembered even after all of these years (3 to be exact) at least in passing comment when they gave the girl his tent and his sleeping mat. Just to hear them say that they missed him and he was their best friend. Just to acknowledge the times he had with them. Just to look back and laugh about the times he had done something funny like he did everyday. Maybe for Cam to talk about how he'd met him under the witch's spell and talk about how he'd told him that he'd always been there protecting him, like when the enemies looked at the blank spot in the room with fear and dread it was because Trellimar was there fighting with them.

**It's hard for me to say,                                                                                                                                                                                                          I'm jealous of the way**

Maybe it was because the group seemed more put together when he wasn't there. Maybe it was because Jiutou smiled a little brighter and laughed sometimes. Maybe it was because he felt that he was holding everybody back when he was there. But it was something. Even though everybody else was happy Trellimar was sad. He was alone among his friends. Surrounded by people who couldn't hear him, couldn't talk to him, couldn't see him. His only consolation was the fact that he had saved their lives enough to pay for saving his life over and over again.

**You're happy without me**

 

**I'm jealous of the nights                                                                                                                                                                                                       That I don't spend with you**

He continued helping, even the girl. He watched as he always did. He waited as he always did. But he kept noticing things, like Cam smiling at the girl in the same way that Trellimar smiled at Cam and the girl blushing every time Cam so much as looked at her. Trellimar knew what this was, even if he didn't want to know. He continued helping, even the girl because he needed to make sure that Cam was happy even if it broke him to see it.

**I'm wondering who you lay next to                                                                                                                                                                                    Oh, I'm jealous of the nights**

The girl and Cam's relationship grew closer and closer and Trell felt both uncomfortable watching and also broken. This is why he didn't want to fall in love for all of these years, falling means something's probably going to get broken (in Trellimar's case definitely, he was far too clumsy for his own good) and it definitely had this time. He guessed he should have realised that. He was jealous of the slightly too long hugs that he wished he could share with Cam with Jiutou and Elora's sniggers behind them and Cam laughing too. That would have been perfect.

**I'm jealous of the love                                                                                                                                                                                                         Love that wasn't here**

Cam could never have realised this love. After all, he was alive and Trellimar was dead. It could have been Cam's techniques for getting over the fact that Trell was gone, it could have been that he imagined that she was Trell but it didn't seem like that to Trell. He was just convincing himself of the theories that made him feel better about it. At least he had the memories. At least.

**Gone for someone else to share                                                                                                                                                                                           Oh, I'm jealous of the love,**

 

**'cause I wished you the best of                                                                                                                                                                                             All this world could give**

Even though it hurt him to see the relationship progress, from mild acquaintances to best friends and then lovers, he held on to the fact that Cam was happy and safe under his protection. He had everything he wanted and who was Trell to say it wasn't so. Nights usually spent sat in silence and staring lovingly at Cam turned into hard work under Avandra to keep his mind of of everything. Avandra was nice enough to take him in after seeing his protection of the group and something about not having time to think but darting back and forward doing jobs and protecting them at the same time was fulfilling and satisfying.

**And I told you when you left me                                                                                                                                                                                           There's nothing to forgive**

No longer was Trell stuck with his emotions and fears with Cam and the girl, he was free and busy enough to not have time to think. It hurt sometimes though. He could hear prayers to Avandra as part of his work. He could hear Cam praying that he would stay with this girl and eventually get married to her. He could hear Cam saying that he was so happy that he ended up there and Trell knew that the only reason they were there was because he died. When he said he'd give anything to be with her Avandra would just smile sadly at Trell and say that Cam had already given up Trell.

**But I always thought you'd come back, tell me                                                                                                                                                                       All you found was heartbreak and misery**

Avandra was kind to Trell, something about him being loyal to It throughout his life made her think that he was trustworthy. It also made her think that he had suffered enough; losing his family, giving up everything for It, losing his life and now losing a love was a lot for someone to bear. Especially if that person was only just an adult in Drow years. She understood that he'd thought that he'd be free from hurt and pain now he was dead but now all he had was heartbreak and misery even though he'd done everything to make someone happy. Even protect someone he was jealous of.

**It's hard for me to say,                                                                                                                                                                                                           I'm jealous of the way**

Trell watched as Cam proposed to the girl. His already broken heart shattered into irreparable tiny shards like Paelor's light and he wondered if Paelor had had a broken heart when his comet shattered. People didn't think Drows had hearts, maybe that was because they broke so easily. He watched as Cam took her to the most romantic place ever and proposed, all the time thinking desperately that it could have been him. But he knew it couldn't. Even if he was alive and well Cam would have still found someone else. Someone who had a better heart than Trellimar, someone who wasn't hated and feared.

**You're happy without me**

 

**As I sink in the sand                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Watch you slip through my hands**

There was nothing that he could do and the hold he had on Cam Buckland loosened and Cam got away. With someone else. With someone better. Despite all of the work the only thing coursing though his head was that Cam Buckland was unreachable and he should just give up. He should just stop caring. He should just leave them alone like he should have done all those years ago when he chose this life. He shouldn't have chosen. No one likes a ghost. That's all he was, someone who could be seen, nor heard, nor loved. He had already been despised and hated but invisible was worse. Not being seen by his loved ones was the thing that broke him day in and day out, the thing that made him cry.

**Oh, as I die here another day                                                                                                                                                                                                 'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile**

 

**I wished you the best of all this world could give                                                                                                                                                                    And I told you when you left me**

On the day of the wedding Avandra came to him. She knew it would be a hard job for him but Cam had prayed and prayed and prayed for a priest directly from Avandra for the ceremony and Trell was the only one she had. But it would mean that Trellimar would get to spend a day on the Surface with Cam Buckland. He agreed to marry Cam and the girl even though it would hurt him inside because that was what Cam wanted. Avandra marvelled at this, he had dedication. Trellimar was again proving that he would do absolutely anything for Cam Buckland even if it hurt him to do so.

**There's nothing to forgive                                                                                                                                                                                                      But I always thought you'd come back, tell me**

Trell felt the ground. It had been so long. He walked, it felt strange to be feeling the ground after all this time. Avandra whispered directions in his brain and he found himself face to face with Elora praying that she recognised him. She didn't. Three years was a bit much to expect with remembering. He followed her, smiling, happy because he was back here with his friends whether they knew him or not. Elora tried to pick up casual conversation, asking his name and how long he'd been a priest. He talked about how three years ago Avandra had called him off this mortal plane. Elora didn't understand. He didn't expect her to. He smiled at her and asked her about herself, he already knew all of the things she was telling him. Elora didn't know that. He didn't expect her to. He asked her if she travelled and if she did, who with? She replied happily with Cam, Jiutou and the girl, she told him stories of their adventures but where Trell should have been she left it out. Trell got the sense that she didn't want to talk about it. He contentedly talked to her for a while, asking small questions about her life now because he really was interested about her, about her relationship with the bride and the groom and everything in between. She seemed happy. She seemed safe. Trellimar liked that. She was not hurt emotionally or physically and that was good, everything about her seemed like the Elora he had left behind. That was good. All was good.

**All you found was heartbreak and misery                                                                                                                                                                              It's hard for me to say,**

He stopped to talk to Jiutou before the wedding and he talked to her about herself. She tried to ask questions and Trell didn't lie. He said he had three friends whom he had loved dearly but he had been torn away. He said he was with Avandra now. Jiutou didn't understand. He didn't expect her to. He asked about her life and she said that she was an adventurer, she asked about his and he said he had been an adventurer and that was the best time of his life. He told her to value her friendships and take notice of all of the little things because one day she'd wish she had. He felt comfortable talking to his old friends, especially Jiutou and Elora because even if they didn't recognise him he felt like it was just another day. Another day when they'd have a laugh and solve a mystery of free a town or do something exciting and all be friends. It felt right. He knew he wouldn't be able to continue with them but he wanted to memorise these moments, every move, every word, every whisper. He would remember this. He didn't want this to end. He asked her about the bride and groom and she talked happily in that Jiutou fashion of calling Cam an idiot. He laughed and said that Cam was and that was why he loved him. Too late did Jiutou realise that the priest shouldn't have known Cam. Too late did Elora and Jiutou piece together the puzzle. Too late did they realise how much it must have hurt him, to stare his friends in the face and receive a blank stare back. It did hurt Trell but at least they were happy, healthy and safe and that was all that mattered to him. He only wished them safety.

 

**I'm jealous of the way                                                                                                                                                                                                            You're happy without me**

Too soon was the wedding. Trellimar found himself standing staring at the man he loved and the person that took him from him. To be fair neither would have known his love but it felt nicer to blame someone the way the old Trell would have done. It felt nice to believe that Cam knew. He married them under Avandra's instruction. He married them despite the pain of his already shattered heart disappearing into the abyss of loneliness and heartbreak. Cam was smiling and Trellimar tried to remember him this way, tried to remember every inch of him, every millimetre, every smile and every blink. He tried to enjoy the moments he spent with them and he tried not to cry when Cam kissed her. He tried not to be envious. He tried not to say anything.

**It's hard for me to say,**

Cam came up to him afterwards to thank him. He was smiling, laughing, joking, being himself. Trellimar remembered his promise to savour every detail of the greeting, the feeling of the handshake and the hug and the tone of his voice and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes when he smiled his widest smile and the way he talked and everything that made Cam Buckland, well, Cam Buckland.

**But I'm jealous of the way**

Cam thought he recognised the man. Even more so when he introduced himself as Father Aleath. He thought he recognised the stories of the childhood in the temple and the tales of adventuring with his friends, one idiot included. He wouldn't tell anyone but he thought he recognised the eyes lighting up with laughter and the polite smiles that didn't quite meet the eyes. He could have sworn he knew the voice and the laugh. But he couldn't place the attributes onto a person that he knew. He thought he knew the sad expression the man was clearly failing to hide. But then again he didn't quite know them, like they'd changed slightly since he had last seen them. He said his goodbyes to the man who sadly turned away. But before he left, the man turned around slightly with a sad smile that he knew. He looked worn and beaten and broken but he still tried to smile. There were tears forming in the man's eyes when he said:

**You're happy without me**

 

_**"Have a good life Cam Buckland."** _


End file.
